just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Randomize
