I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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