Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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