your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize