Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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