im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why do cheetos always look like penises
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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