found the other keg... it's in the tree
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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