I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
They have beer where we have blood.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
