your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
