at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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