the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
