bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
