man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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