OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
