just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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