Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
