All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
