my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize