So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
