its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
