OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
