I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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