i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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