i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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