yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
