bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
