I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize