I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
