Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
