I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
