But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
