she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize