I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
