Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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