Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
