I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
