who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
