I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
