Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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