i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
did i walk over a car last night?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
