i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
