So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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