i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The air was thick with penises
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i've created a new STD.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
