Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize