i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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