cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
