dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
