um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
