he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize