I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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