So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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