I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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