the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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