Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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