why didn't you poke me back
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
