And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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