O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
