the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
