handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
