worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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