You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
