Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
