Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
