Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
