nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im calling her cock vulture from now on
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
