Need sex. Gaining weight.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
