The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize