that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
