Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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