so that wasnt chicken after all
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
