i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
