I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
