Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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