you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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