is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
