I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
