I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
