I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
