Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
