i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
