Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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