I bet he comes in French.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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