ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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