can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
