Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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