One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
